The cupcake phase

I miss the days when you wanted to know me
You would race home to talk to me
Never wanted to spend time apart

Things seem to have changed
You don’t race home
And you don’t talk to me when you get there
Some days we don’t get on voice chat
and most days we don’t video chat

It’s hard keeping a long distance relationship alive
There are no how to books
Maybe some blogs
But every case is a snowflake

different

I found tons of LDR questionnaires
At first it was nice
We learned a lot
Mostly our boundaries

but now

They have become a hassle
Something that is an annoyance
more than an exploration

intimacy

not the sex kind of intimacy
I want the brain kind
You know the one
Where we know each other
faults and all
And still want to be together
Still get tangled up in deep thought
and conversation

Laughter, mutual understanding

I just don’t want to be
LD
Anymore

Easy

Sometimes it is easier to write when my eyes are swollen with tears, but it is equally as important to write about the average times. Or even more importantly, about the times where I am happy about an event or decision.

Now is definitely one of these times. I have decided to pursue grad school. I am aiming to apply for Washington or even southern British Columbia, Canada.

I plan on writing more and keeping up with this blog better than I have been. I really want to be a member of this community and feel comfortable expressing myself. It  isn’t easy being truly myself a lot of the time. I just need to find a place where I can be who I am, and grow into the person I want to be.

I know most of my writings have been pretty down lately, I will work on it. I also plan on self publishing a book soon.

Cant expose everything yet, but believe me! I am moving forward to better myself and becoming the person I know I can be- and you all deserve.

Isolation

I’m alone
And I don’t know what’s worse
Knowing I missed the opportunity
Or the fact part of me is happy

I’m experiencing this pain
I definitely am a participator
In self punishment
And if you don’t know what that is
It’s when
An individual
Takes their feelings
And decides to do something
That hurts only them
In the hopes
Of hurting another
Or getting the attention of another

I constantly find myself
Punishing
For your attention
I don’t feel like a part of your life

Seeing as I have no idea
What’s going on
In your
Life

And I feel like I will never know

I feel we will never actually
live together

This is a super uncomfortable situation
for me
and you
Don’t even notice

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑