Ramblings

It’s crazy because I can sit and think for hours and completely blank when it’s time to discuss my thoughts. My mind just moves so quickly from one thing to another it’s hard to keep track of decisions and ideas. To you I may be indecisive; to me I am too decisive. I know what I want but I care about the repercussions of those wants and needs. Who will it affect? Will it hurt anyone? My dad would always say the old cliche, “no good deed goes unpunished”. I think about that a lot while I am driving. How I stop at a stop sign and let someone go first at the expense of the person behind me. It disrupts the order, causes chaos but it still considered a good gesture for the person who goes first. It isn’t like I really shaved off any time for them, maybe 10 seconds. I suppose that is the truth for either direction. I shaved off 10 seconds for one person, added 10 seconds for another. This makes me their time master and they will have no choice but to bend to my will. Because I am the one who got to the stop sign first. If my first thought was to disrupt the person behind me so be it.

Why is it that when someone is more in a hurry while driving everyone around seems to think it is good/funny/fair to take longer. Waste their time. If they are in a hurry could it be for a reason that is out of our norm?

We will never understand what happens in the life of others. And as I learned in my creative writing class, life is stranger than fiction. With that my professor mentioned to us how difficult it would be to write an autobiography as no one would ever believe the events we are claiming took place were real. Instead tweak them and write them into a fiction story where you can manipulate the emphasis and hidden meanings.

It is crazy how somethings stick with you and somethings just leave your mind completely. I felt so ahead in that class, like I knew my stuff and others were playing catch up.

But I was never one to be so precise.

Isolation

I’m alone
And I don’t know what’s worse
Knowing I missed the opportunity
Or the fact part of me is happy

I’m experiencing this pain
I definitely am a participator
In self punishment
And if you don’t know what that is
It’s when
An individual
Takes their feelings
And decides to do something
That hurts only them
In the hopes
Of hurting another
Or getting the attention of another

I constantly find myself
Punishing
For your attention
I don’t feel like a part of your life

Seeing as I have no idea
What’s going on
In your
Life

And I feel like I will never know

I feel we will never actually
live together

This is a super uncomfortable situation
for me
and you
Don’t even notice

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