Georgia pt. 1

I’m a Miami girl, not as Miami as the girls I sat next to on the airplane though. I have only flown from Spain, and back; to Nicaragua and back. That has always been with family, never alone- ever. Navigating the airport was probably the hardest part for the trip here, Georgia. That wasn’t even too hard as Fort Lauderdale airport has everything you could ever really need when it comes to signage and assistance. A window seat wasn’t too bad on Spirit Airline, I am a fairly large woman; it wasn’t bad.

Anyway, I land. Where am I going? No clue. My sister calls and passes the phone to her boyfriend, he tells me to take the tram to baggage claim and let him know what terminal I end up at. Ok, sounds good. Easy enough. I get onto the tram, its amazing how ones social anxiety can disappear when there is a complete focus on getting to a destination. I looked around, made myself as small as I could. I don’t know why but I did.

The doors slid open and I was finally outside, it’s hot. How far north do you have to go to escape 90°F weather? Apparently 9 hours worth of driving, an hour and a half worth of a plance trip and 663 miles is not far enough- yet. I say yet because I hear it snows here, I hear it gets pretty cold, I hear the trees change and the leaves fall into different colors. Palm trees? Yeah, no they stay the same. Winter? Miami doesn’t have a Winter! It’s an eternal summer and spring.

Georgia, never thought I would come here. My older sister moved here a couple of years ago and found a home, a life. In a lot of ways she inspires me to look for more, find more, even be more. She has had to work very hard and she isnt afraid to get her hands dirty. She chases money in ways I never really had to, or wanted to. Cooking seems to come easy to her, the foods she makes are  not necessarily a fusion but are something more soulful. An identity, one she had to find and create all by herslf.

I still struggle with my self identity, and my happiness. In that way my sister has always been someone I have looked up to when it came to knowing and doing what she wanted. I want that decisiveness, that directness.

The pumpkin flowers are blooming in the little garden in front of their house. The whole front yard is decorated for Halloween, skulls and blood and graves. Even a female doll bloodied up with one of her own eyeballs in her mouth. She is so realistic looking (since she was a sex doll) that I asked her for permission to touch her. As weird as that may sound, it was just as weird to move her fingers and touch her face. How anyone could utilize her is beyond me. I now know that is something I am definitely not interested in.

Juiced carrots, ginger and lemon topped with some cilantro leaves is the beverage of choice. Surprisingly not too strong and not overwhelming at all. The eggs had such a kick I got the hiccups! A dried chilli pepper in 3 eggs can do a lot more than one would think, especially when the seeds are left in. Then of course, there was bacon. What kind of American family doesn’t incude bacon in their breakfast routine?

This makes being vegetarian and vegan very difficult for me. I recently had steak so bloody it was dripping down my chin, I wouldn’t have it any other way to be honest. I don’t like to eat meat with every meal, it just feels too dense, but if I am eating meat, I am really eating it; bloody, rare- perfection.

The wilderness, exploring into the woods for what feels like the first time, I am sure it can’t compare to the mountains in Spain. Different atmospheres, my first real adventure in Atlanta, I am excited to see where it takes me.

Easy

Sometimes it is easier to write when my eyes are swollen with tears, but it is equally as important to write about the average times. Or even more importantly, about the times where I am happy about an event or decision.

Now is definitely one of these times. I have decided to pursue grad school. I am aiming to apply for Washington or even southern British Columbia, Canada.

I plan on writing more and keeping up with this blog better than I have been. I really want to be a member of this community and feel comfortable expressing myself. It  isn’t easy being truly myself a lot of the time. I just need to find a place where I can be who I am, and grow into the person I want to be.

I know most of my writings have been pretty down lately, I will work on it. I also plan on self publishing a book soon.

Cant expose everything yet, but believe me! I am moving forward to better myself and becoming the person I know I can be- and you all deserve.

Got Milk?

Got depression?
It’s nutritious and delicious!
Served up on a silver spoon,
ready to be taken
by all willing to consume.
For life is a give
but for people who only take,
depression is the answer
from causing you to wake.

Over thinking at night?
Well here is a tip!
Just shut your mind up
with alcohol and trips.
Not to the store
but with these pills, you see,
they promise to end your depression
and hide your misery.

Unwilling to move?
It’s hard to stay awake…
Unable to sleep,
and still more drugs you take.
This is a vicious cycle
yet it feels so good
to have something to hold onto.

You close your eyes
as you take your final breath,
just wishing for a body;
someone to caress your neck.
To tell you it’s all fine
and everything will be okay,
but every morning you awake
knowing alone is how you’ll stay.

Just don’t let the darkness
coax you in,
brace yourself
you can win.

You twist and turn
Knowing you can fight,
But the darkness has a death grip
on your life.
“This is the end,”
you whisper under your breath,
but soon you’ll find your cape
and fight the darkness to death.

 

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