Willing victim

I talk about how my heart pains

But when we aren’t speaking I’m so happy with the memories

Then when you call it’s as if that’s all things will ever be: memories.

And I will never have a future where more can be created.

Shouldn’t I be grateful? Some people don’t even have memories

Am I lucky or cursed?

To have felt your hands in mine

Your lips on mine

Or am I cursed

To live with the memory

And long for it

And never have it again

I wanted to write more positively

Truly I did

But I find myself now sinking

Into this darkness that completely encases me

I guess my main question is:

Did I walk in voluntarily?

Reasonably

It doesn’t matter

It doesn’t matter

It doesn’t matter

It doesn’t matter

It doesn’t matter

It doesn’t matter

It doesn’t matter

It doesn’t matter

It doesn’t matter

It doesn’t matter

It doesn’t matter

It doesn’t matter

It doesn’t matter

It doesn’t matter

It doesn’t matter

It doesn’t matter

It doesn’t matter

It doesn’t matter

It doesn’t matter

It doesn’t matter

It doesn’t matter

It doesn’t matter
I don’t matter

Here we go, together

Slipping
Into my sadness,
Into my own darkness

It’s so terrible
that I don’t want to be alone

But I also don’t want you to talk to me
I want you to forget
that you said you wanted to spend the time
when I got home
Which you already did

You started playing your game,
Forgetting that I am just here

I would usually be pestering you
Reminding you
that we would do something together

Why don’t you notice my change?
You seem fine
Everything is great in your world

While mine is crashing

I am the saddest I have been in a long while
I can’t feel my emotions anymore
The reality of you not coming is sinking in

And I hate it

I wish you would just face it,
Face the anxiety
And come
But you can’t
You won’t

I am not pretending to
entertain the idea of us in the future anymore.

I am tapping out
Checking out
My thoughts are mine
And that’s it
They will not be shared
My emotions will not be shared
I am just going to be me. 

You’re right
You’re not perfect
And I was a fool to think this relationship would be.

Hungry

I can hear the wind
Screech across the shutters
Like nails
Dragging down a chalk board

I lie awake
Listening
Waiting
Mostly for your call.

Or a message
Or something

I don’t get it
I never do
I don’t know why I hold my breath
For something that so irregularly happens

You say things will change
You make me believe it
Believe you

But slowly that trust is fading
And I don’t think you realize
That some nights
I don’t feel like I know you 

I’m not convinced
You are truly invested

I feel guilty
So I don’t tell you

But most days and nights
I feel more alone than I ever have

Is it because
You showed me what it’s like
To not feel this way?

But what did I do
For you to change
For you to take away
That comfort
That security

I want it back
Please don’t go

Too good

The moment was fleeting
Your strive to be perfect for others
Left you broken for me

I picked up your pieces
Instead of being your glue

You broke me too

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑