Willing victim

I talk about how my heart pains

But when we aren’t speaking I’m so happy with the memories

Then when you call it’s as if that’s all things will ever be: memories.

And I will never have a future where more can be created.

Shouldn’t I be grateful? Some people don’t even have memories

Am I lucky or cursed?

To have felt your hands in mine

Your lips on mine

Or am I cursed

To live with the memory

And long for it

And never have it again

I wanted to write more positively

Truly I did

But I find myself now sinking

Into this darkness that completely encases me

I guess my main question is:

Did I walk in voluntarily?

Here we go, together

Into my sadness,
Into my own darkness

It’s so terrible
that I don’t want to be alone

But I also don’t want you to talk to me
I want you to forget
that you said you wanted to spend the time
when I got home
Which you already did

You started playing your game,
Forgetting that I am just here

I would usually be pestering you
Reminding you
that we would do something together

Why don’t you notice my change?
You seem fine
Everything is great in your world

While mine is crashing

I am the saddest I have been in a long while
I can’t feel my emotions anymore
The reality of you not coming is sinking in

And I hate it

I wish you would just face it,
Face the anxiety
And come
But you can’t
You won’t

I am not pretending to
entertain the idea of us in the future anymore.

I am tapping out
Checking out
My thoughts are mine
And that’s it
They will not be shared
My emotions will not be shared
I am just going to be me. 

You’re right
You’re not perfect
And I was a fool to think this relationship would be.

Got Milk?

Got depression?
It’s nutritious and delicious!
Served up on a silver spoon,
ready to be taken
by all willing to consume.
For life is a give
but for people who only take,
depression is the answer
from causing you to wake.

Over thinking at night?
Well here is a tip!
Just shut your mind up
with alcohol and trips.
Not to the store
but with these pills, you see,
they promise to end your depression
and hide your misery.

Unwilling to move?
It’s hard to stay awake…
Unable to sleep,
and still more drugs you take.
This is a vicious cycle
yet it feels so good
to have something to hold onto.

You close your eyes
as you take your final breath,
just wishing for a body;
someone to caress your neck.
To tell you it’s all fine
and everything will be okay,
but every morning you awake
knowing alone is how you’ll stay.

Just don’t let the darkness
coax you in,
brace yourself
you can win.

You twist and turn
Knowing you can fight,
But the darkness has a death grip
on your life.
“This is the end,”
you whisper under your breath,
but soon you’ll find your cape
and fight the darkness to death.


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