It hurts

I think of things
To break my own heart
So no one has a chance
To break it for me

I would rather
Break my own heart

Than be blind sided
By someone I trust
Breaking me

Million dollar man

What need is it
That a majority of people have
That you

That makes them
Unable to step away

That makes them
Come back
From time to time?

That make them
Crave you?

Nothing out of the ordinary
But are extraordinary

You move about
With a slick tongue
Spewing your truths
Claiming them as honesty

But honest to who?

Pepper- Drive

How do I stop crying?

I feel it coming most days,
I feel the universe
Pushing me down
Holding me there

Against my will

To live through days
I wish I never had to see


I can feel my cheeks get hot,
I haven’t felt like this
In a long time it feels like

It crazy how one moment
You can feel completely normal
And fine

Then the next moment passes
And all you want to do
Is crawl under a rock

What really is upsetting though
Is how-

It doesn’t even matter.
At the end of the day
It never does.

If I don’t interrupt myself
I’m sure someone else will.

Spot it early

I hate how I can feel my sadness
Creeping in

First it weighs heavy in the air
And I’m not sure how to interact
With people
I interact with

When it finally hits my skin
Not only does it weigh me down
My skin absorbs it

I realize that everyone around me
Doesn’t actually WANT
To be

With this realization
Comes the most important step
In this plan
Sadness has spun for


I separate myself
And think of things
That make me deserving
Of people’s decision
To no longer
Keep me

It’s deep in my skin now,
Seeping through my bones
It has become me
I don’t know who I am without this

Was I ever happy?
I can’t think of a time.

In fact
I can only remember
Feeling this way

I call all my friends in a frenzy panic
Some answer
Some don’t

I try not to give the vibe
That something is wrong with me
But when they want to hang up
It just confirms
That they
Don’t want

I lie in bed now
Heart racing
Feet rubbing the bed
To get some kind of

The air is heavy
I can’t breathe
Every breath takes a force
One I don’t feel like exerting
One that makes me wonder

What am I fighting for?

Self inflicted

Deep breaths
That will help me
Protect me even

I need to be protected
I need to be held
I need to be loved

I am hurting myself

And I don’t know how
Or why to stop

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