Spot it early

I hate how I can feel my sadness
Creeping in

First it weighs heavy in the air
And I’m not sure how to interact
With people
I interact with
Every
Day

When it finally hits my skin
Not only does it weigh me down
But
My skin absorbs it

I realize that everyone around me
Doesn’t actually WANT
To be
Around
Me

With this realization
Comes the most important step
In this plan
Sadness has spun for
Me

Seclusion.

I separate myself
And think of things
That make me deserving
Of people’s decision
To no longer
Keep me

It’s deep in my skin now,
Seeping through my bones
It has become me
I don’t know who I am without this

Was I ever happy?
I can’t think of a time.

In fact
I can only remember
Feeling this way
Always

I call all my friends in a frenzy panic
Some answer
Some don’t

I try not to give the vibe
That something is wrong with me
But when they want to hang up
It just confirms
That they
Don’t want
Me

I lie in bed now
Heart racing
Feet rubbing the bed
To get some kind of
Comfort
Affection

The air is heavy
I can’t breathe
Every breath takes a force
One I don’t feel like exerting
One that makes me wonder

What am I fighting for?

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