If things were easy I would be happy.
I say I’m happy but what I really mean when I say that is I’m happy your happy.
Ive always been supportive of others in a way that I felt no one would be supportive of me
I appreciate people and everything they do for me
I notice the things
But in noticing the things, big and small
I notice the stuff that hurts too
I see the facial contorts
I hear the change in tone
I feel the atmosphere thicken around our bodies as if this oxygen is just going to stop moving and turn into a solid before my eyes
I feel my chest compress
It’s like it’s filling with cement
And it shouldn’t
Because everything that is happening to me
Is happening because I let
I could accept things as they are
I could move on
I could walk away
I could be alone
My wants are what keep me
And I’m trying to weigh the pros and cons I find myself stumbling through the selfishness I never truly let myself have before
I want it now
But who am I anyway?