Are you happy?

If things were easy I would be happy.

I say I’m happy but what I really mean when I say that is I’m happy your happy.

Ive always been supportive of others in a way that I felt no one would be supportive of me

I appreciate people and everything they do for me

I notice the things

But in noticing the things, big and small

I notice the stuff that hurts too

I see the facial contorts

I hear the change in tone

I feel the atmosphere thicken around our bodies as if this oxygen is just going to stop moving and turn into a solid before my eyes

I feel my chest compress

It’s like it’s filling with cement

It hurts

And it shouldn’t

Because everything that is happening to me

Is happening because I let

I could accept things as they are

I could move on

I could walk away

I could be alone

My wants are what keep me

And I’m trying to weigh the pros and cons I find myself stumbling through the selfishness I never truly let myself have before

I want it now

But who am I anyway?

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