She pulls the blanket up to her chin. It’s the soft felt blanket but tonight nothing can keep her warm. Her cheeks wet from the tear soaked pillow. Each breath in is like an earthquake in her chest, everything in her shatters. Every exhale just pushes out tears and small whimpers.
“Thing’s were supposed to fall into place…” she says, the drops of sadness moving down her cheek and across her lips. The only thing she has really tasted in a long time, the saltiness of sadness. There is nothing refreshing about crying, and although she is going through all of the motions she knows what the end results are, she just doesn’t want to believe them. She wipes her nose with her hand, looks around and rubs it on her shirt. “Gross,” she half laughs through her tears, because even when she is at her saddest, she tries to be the person she wishes she was; happy. Is this her own fault? Her own doing? Is this her punishment? She feels more tears move across her face, they feel never ending. The lump in her throat tightens and burns, she knows there is only more to come and she can’t stop the wave from crashing down on her. She just didn’t know she would be alone so much, loneliness is her phobia and it’s all she ever feels anymore.