I’m Fine

I wanted to start crying immediately
As you stayed up and got into a computer chair
Exhausted
Wanting to sleep
Drifting into sleep
And said
“Let’s play 20 questions”
In that voice
The one where you’re annoyed
The one where you’re angry
and you know
you don’t have a right to be

I should’ve cried
I should’ve just
Cried

But I didn’t
I told you to just go to bed

Brushing off
The tone
In your voice.

Maybe you’re too tired to
Care

All I will ever have is maybes because
I will
Never
Know

I ask questions
That should come as no surprise
As I’ve asked many questions
In the beginning
Reading off questionnaires
Trying to know ever nook and cranny of your mind
And personhood 

I don’t feel wrong
Or bad

I don’t feel guilty 

I asked what’s on your mind
And when you were asleep
I knew

You’re mind was clear
Capable of sleep
Comfortable
Not needing to think about consequences
Or actions
Or anything

I knew in your mind
You were thinking of nothing

And in that moment
I felt
Like I was nothing too

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